30~ Did this love challenge teach you anything? If so/not...what/why?

The end is here!!  Ha-lay-lu-yer!!

I must say that this challenge did teach me a lot.  It taught me that while being in love is a beautiful thing when it's right, I'm not ready for such.  I can even say that I don't like it.  I was in some sort of relationship from the ages of 16-38  and I can honestly say I need me time.  I don't want to have to answer to anyone about my comings or goings.  I want to be selfish for awhile.

If that's wrong, so be it.  But I want to live for me, not us.  I want to experience life on my own for about 3-5 years.  I've been relationship-free for almost 2 years (no Kween, I'm not counting THAT one) so I've got a little more time to do me and then if I find someone that I feel is my King, then I'm going for it. If not, so be it.  I'll live alone with my 123 cats, newspaper covering the windows and I'll spend my days yelling at kids to get off my lawn.  Because for real, you can call me cynical and/or bitter if you must, but the truth of the matter is...

29~ Write a Love letter to your soul mate (whether you feel you've met them or not)

Nope.  Can't do it.  Don't believe in such.  Next subject.

28~ If you had a choice between a love relationship and just sex [guaranteed]...which would you choose?

Hmm...love or guaranteed sex...wow...I just can't choo...lemme stop.

Give me the guaranteed sex every time...as long as it was great sex.

I'm not a fan of love relationships.  I've been through enough crap in my love life to last a lifetime.  Just give me great sex, carry your ass home, and I'm good.

27~ Does anyone you've broken up with still love and pursue you?

Pursue me?  Yes

Love me?  Hell naw.

Nigga wouldn't know what love is if it showed up at his front door with it stamped all over its body in bold letters.

Check this out...one day, 2 weeks ago, Fool gonna call me and act as if he was so lost and lonely and had nothing but problems and wanted to kill himself.  I couldn't tell if he was serious or not so I had to talk him down.  Fool talmbout how he missed me and still "loved" me and wanted to be with me again.  I told him that would never happen...NEVER happen, blah blah blah.  To make a long story short, the next day, our son called me and said that his dad said that he loved his current girlfriend (I failed to mention that he told me that she had cheated on him and he left her that night) and was thinking about marrying her.

A few days later (umm...this isn't short, is it?), Fool hits my fb inbox talmbout "Hey Beautiful...I miss you."  I'm all like, "yeah, great.  Congrats on your upcoming nuptials."  He says something to the effect of that was before all of this.  Then I had to bust his bubble and tell him that our son told me everything and not to bother me with his bogus bullshit anymore.  Can't say that I haven't heard from him again...Fool used our son's phone to call me and of course I answered when I saw my kid's name pop up.  

I hate that man with a passion.

26~ If your young daughter or son came to you and told you they were in love with someone your age...what would your response be?

In a word...Iowneeeentrussit.

But if my kids were of legal age, what could I say?  Nah...scratch that...I could say a lot and probably would but it wouldn't do any good.  As long as they were treated with respect, I'd respect their relationship.  Doesn't mean I would like it but it is what it is.

No pics.  No music.  No nothing.  The end.

25~ Looking back on your life...who taught you the most about what love is/isn't?

Damn...when I saw this question, I figured it would be easy because it takes the focus off of me and puts it on someone else in my life, sort of.  But now, I'm at a loss.

I didn't have the easiest childhood.  I mean, I had and did more than most kids my age (went on 3 cruises to Nassau, the Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, went to 2 World's Fairs...do they even have those anymore...had a car at 16, blah blah blah, siss boom bah, etc) but as far as being shown love, my dad was and is the staple for that and even he had a kind of a warped way about it.  My mom?  Forget about it.  We had a love/hate relationship that I still think about to this day and she's been gone 12 years come next month.

I had boyfriends (as you know, I was with my first one for 5 years) and husbands and I found myself sometimes sabotaging relationships because I didn't know what love truly was.

So I don't know if anyone really showed me what love was.  Hell, I may not even know what it is now.  I do know what it's not and honestly, after all I've gone through these past couple of weeks, I REALLY know what it isn't.

*Sorry this blog isn't up to snuff.  Not really feeling like writing about love right now.  I think Adam Sandler sang it best...

24~ Have you broken anyone's heart?

*sigh* Yes.  I've told the story of how I chose the wrong guy.  Not bragging by any means whatsoever but I devastated dude.  I'd go over to drop our daughter off and he'd be there, laying on the couch, crying.  The thought of that alone makes me want to cry now and that was 18 years ago.

But I have no one to blame but my own stupid self.  It was one of those grass is greener type situations.  Little did I know that it wasn't good grass but that crabgrass shit that just fucks up everything.

That's all I gotta say about that.