30~ Did this love challenge teach you anything? If so/not...what/why?

The end is here!!  Ha-lay-lu-yer!!

I must say that this challenge did teach me a lot.  It taught me that while being in love is a beautiful thing when it's right, I'm not ready for such.  I can even say that I don't like it.  I was in some sort of relationship from the ages of 16-38  and I can honestly say I need me time.  I don't want to have to answer to anyone about my comings or goings.  I want to be selfish for awhile.

If that's wrong, so be it.  But I want to live for me, not us.  I want to experience life on my own for about 3-5 years.  I've been relationship-free for almost 2 years (no Kween, I'm not counting THAT one) so I've got a little more time to do me and then if I find someone that I feel is my King, then I'm going for it. If not, so be it.  I'll live alone with my 123 cats, newspaper covering the windows and I'll spend my days yelling at kids to get off my lawn.  Because for real, you can call me cynical and/or bitter if you must, but the truth of the matter is...

29~ Write a Love letter to your soul mate (whether you feel you've met them or not)

Nope.  Can't do it.  Don't believe in such.  Next subject.

28~ If you had a choice between a love relationship and just sex [guaranteed]...which would you choose?

Hmm...love or guaranteed sex...wow...I just can't choo...lemme stop.

Give me the guaranteed sex every time...as long as it was great sex.

I'm not a fan of love relationships.  I've been through enough crap in my love life to last a lifetime.  Just give me great sex, carry your ass home, and I'm good.

27~ Does anyone you've broken up with still love and pursue you?

Pursue me?  Yes

Love me?  Hell naw.

Nigga wouldn't know what love is if it showed up at his front door with it stamped all over its body in bold letters.

Check this out...one day, 2 weeks ago, Fool gonna call me and act as if he was so lost and lonely and had nothing but problems and wanted to kill himself.  I couldn't tell if he was serious or not so I had to talk him down.  Fool talmbout how he missed me and still "loved" me and wanted to be with me again.  I told him that would never happen...NEVER happen, blah blah blah.  To make a long story short, the next day, our son called me and said that his dad said that he loved his current girlfriend (I failed to mention that he told me that she had cheated on him and he left her that night) and was thinking about marrying her.

A few days later (umm...this isn't short, is it?), Fool hits my fb inbox talmbout "Hey Beautiful...I miss you."  I'm all like, "yeah, great.  Congrats on your upcoming nuptials."  He says something to the effect of that was before all of this.  Then I had to bust his bubble and tell him that our son told me everything and not to bother me with his bogus bullshit anymore.  Can't say that I haven't heard from him again...Fool used our son's phone to call me and of course I answered when I saw my kid's name pop up.  

I hate that man with a passion.

26~ If your young daughter or son came to you and told you they were in love with someone your age...what would your response be?

In a word...Iowneeeentrussit.

But if my kids were of legal age, what could I say?  Nah...scratch that...I could say a lot and probably would but it wouldn't do any good.  As long as they were treated with respect, I'd respect their relationship.  Doesn't mean I would like it but it is what it is.

No pics.  No music.  No nothing.  The end.

25~ Looking back on your life...who taught you the most about what love is/isn't?

Damn...when I saw this question, I figured it would be easy because it takes the focus off of me and puts it on someone else in my life, sort of.  But now, I'm at a loss.

I didn't have the easiest childhood.  I mean, I had and did more than most kids my age (went on 3 cruises to Nassau, the Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, went to 2 World's Fairs...do they even have those anymore...had a car at 16, blah blah blah, siss boom bah, etc) but as far as being shown love, my dad was and is the staple for that and even he had a kind of a warped way about it.  My mom?  Forget about it.  We had a love/hate relationship that I still think about to this day and she's been gone 12 years come next month.

I had boyfriends (as you know, I was with my first one for 5 years) and husbands and I found myself sometimes sabotaging relationships because I didn't know what love truly was.

So I don't know if anyone really showed me what love was.  Hell, I may not even know what it is now.  I do know what it's not and honestly, after all I've gone through these past couple of weeks, I REALLY know what it isn't.

*Sorry this blog isn't up to snuff.  Not really feeling like writing about love right now.  I think Adam Sandler sang it best...

24~ Have you broken anyone's heart?

*sigh* Yes.  I've told the story of how I chose the wrong guy.  Not bragging by any means whatsoever but I devastated dude.  I'd go over to drop our daughter off and he'd be there, laying on the couch, crying.  The thought of that alone makes me want to cry now and that was 18 years ago.

But I have no one to blame but my own stupid self.  It was one of those grass is greener type situations.  Little did I know that it wasn't good grass but that crabgrass shit that just fucks up everything.

That's all I gotta say about that.

23~ Do you think love and marriage are synonymous?

HELL NO!!

You don't need to be married to prove you love someone and you don't have to love someone to marry them.  My first marriage was an example of that.  The day I said "I do", I really didn't.

I may seem cynical, and maybe I am, but marriage, to me, is nothing more than a business contract between two people. There are documents to be signed, meetings of the minds about type of ceremony, land ownership and/or rental agreements, bank account transactions, blah blah blah.  Wanna find out how much someone really loves or hates you?  Marry them and live with them for at least 5 years.  If they're still smiling after that time, you may have a love connection on your hands.  (DISCLAIMER:  Living with someone IS NOT the same as being married to them.  That piece of paper changes folks...TRUST ME).

Love comes into play when the asking is being done (and sometimes, not even then).  Let a bridezilla come at her fiance with some crazy shit...ain't no love in that whatsoever.

So to reiterate my answer, love and marriage are not synonymous.  Frank Sinatra lied to us.  They do not go together like a horse and carriage...unless you want to be looking at a horse's ass for the rest of your life.

22~ Create the perfect love scene

Hmm...not really sure what to put here so I'm just gonna close my eyes and type whatever comes to mind.

They sat on the balcony of the Breezes Runaway Bay hotel in Jamaica watching the waves crash the shore, looking at the full moon and gazing at the starts, holding hands, just enjoying each other.   He looks at her with longing eyes as he reaches his hand out and says, "come on.  There's something I want to show you."

They leave their room and push the "L" button as they enter the elevator.  As soon as the doors close, he grabs her in his arms and passionately kisses her until the elevator stops on the 3rd floor.  The gentleman that walks on has a suspicion of what has taken place and gives a sly look to the couple, who just politely smiles back.  As the elevator comes to the lobby, they step out of the hotel and onto one of the most beautiful scenes she's ever seen.

A cabana  has been set up and there's a dinner table with candlelight, wine and a place setting for two.  He looks at her with those loving brown eyes and says, "surprise.  I hope you like it."  How could she not?

  After being seated, a waiter pours the wine and leaves the couple alone for awhile.  He takes her by the hand and says, "Baby, I know this may seem like a dream to you but I want to be there for all of your dreams.  I want you to always be happy and it would mean the world to me if you would say yes to becoming my wife."

Just then, he pulls out a 4 karat diamond and sapphire ring and she's speechless.  She loves this man with everything in her and she wants to be his everything.  She had been in love before, even married twice, but she knew that he was the man her heart had been searching for her whole adult life.  She looks into his eyes, as tears roll down her face, and gives a resounding YES to her new fiance.  He grabs her gently by the face, wiping her tears away and resumes the kiss they started in the elevator.

21~ What is the most romantic location you would want to visit?

Damn...I'm further behind than I thought.  smh

Anyhoo...this one is easy for me.  I have always wanted to travel to Italy.  Venice or Rome.  I think it would be so romantic to take a gondola ride down the canals or to look at art in some of the world's finest museums or feed authentic Italian food to my loved one.

Look at her sitting there in all of her royal nakedness...Exquisite!!

Imagine eating this...

here...

Ahh...Italia.  Voglio essere una parte di te.

20~ Do you believe in Long Distance/Internet Love? Why or Why not?

I'm on the fence about this one.  

I've been involved in 2 internet relationships and neither one of the dudes were worth a damn.  The problem with the internet is that anyone can be who they WANT to be, not necessarily who they REALLY are.  Therefore, lies are told, personalities are faked, and dreams are smashed.  

Now, I have seen quite a few internet relationships develop and blossom for others and I am truly elated for them.  I even know of a few that have met online and gotten married and they're still going strong.  But the parties involved were ADULTS...not people of legal age playing adults. 

As for the long distance relationship, I think a definition is needed.  I believe that anything over 75 miles constitutes long distance.  I was involved in one of those when I was in high school in Richmond and my then-boyfriend/now-daughter's father was in college in Norfolk (approx. 95-100 miles away).  We made it work somehow, so I'm cool with anything under a 3 hour drive.  Anything more than that, I get really cynical really quickly.   

I will admit that I used to prefer long distance/internet relationships and Kali analyzed me (as she often does) and told me that the reason that I probably preferred them was because I didn't want anyone to get too close to me.  I can agree with that to a certain extent but I also don't want someone up under me 24/7...not right now, anyway.  

So I'm all over the place with this blog.  If it works, I say go for it.  And maybe I'll feel differently about it for myself one day.  But right now, I'm busy doing me. 

19~ What do you love to do the most?

You know what?  I think that outside of the "personal relationship" questions, this is the hardest question.

I really don't have an answer.  I mean, I like to do a lot of things but I'm not passionate about any one thing.  I know this may seem strange and maybe even a cop out of sorts but I realized a while back that I don't have an addictive personality.  I grew up with alcoholics and around drug addicts and I made it a point that I would never let myself get that caught up in anything (cigarettes made me a liar).

The one thing I can say that I haven't let go of is my love for my family and friends.  I admit it...I love hard and I love forever unless someone fucks that away.  And I do have a thing for taking care of people, whether family, friends or patients (I used to work in nursing homes for a while).  So if I had to choose one thing that I love to do is to take care of those that can't take care of themselves and/or just being there for those that need a friend.

That's all I got.

18~ Have you ever been in a love triangle...with you as the object of desire?

I REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY don't want to write about this because I will have to face my own flaws but I guess this is what this challenge is about.  So...

Yes, I've been in a triangle.  It was between my daughter's father and my older son's father (I'm sick of writing about his ass but unfortunately, this won't be the last time).  Just to lay it on the line and to make a long story short, I was "with" both of them in the biblical sense before finally breaking it off with my daughter's father and I ended up choosing the wrong one.

I did some dirt to my daughter's father...I mean gritty, grimy, if I was on the outside of myself, I would have whipped my own ass shit...over this dude and yet he still loved and wanted me.  And I, like the fool, went for the outer shell and left one of the best relationships I'd ever had.  Words were exchanged (we all worked at different places in the same mall at the time) but luckily, no one ever came to blows. My daughter's father even came to my house when the other one was there and looked dude straight in the eye and told him that he better take care of me.  Bitch ass nigga didn't listen.

But anyway, that's the condensed version of the story. I actually have a headache after reliving and writing this.  Oh well, life lessons don't always make one feel good.

17~ Do you think young people can fall in love and it be true?

Yes I do think young people can fall in love and it be true.

Just a couple of examples...

My daughter's father and I started dating when we were 17 and 15 and we stayed together for 5 years.  The end.

A friend of mine that lived two houses down from me while growing up started dating his then-girlfriend when they were in 8th grade in 1982.  He's on my facebook friend list and he and she have been married for quite awhile now.  That's basically 30 years together.  Bless them.

So again, short and sweet and to the point, yes, I believe it...if the young people are mature enough to recognize what love is.

16~ Do you believe in love at first sight?

Another question that can be answered with very few words...

No. 

I believe that you can fall in lust at first sight and I have done that and mistakenly took that for love but as I've gotten older, I realize that there's more to love than the outer shell.  Personality, communication skills...which include speaking AND listening...and patience are all more attractive and sexy to me.  

To have someone challenge my mind (or as I like to call it, giving my head some head) gets me to the falling in love stage much quicker than some eye candy.  

So again, MY answer to this question is no.  But I'm sure others may feel different.  Let's have a musical selection to end this, shall we?