I feel like I'm a prisoner of my own fate. I am living one mundane, simplistic, boring ass life and not that those things can't be good, but I've been living this way for almost two years and as of right now, there's no end in sight.
I moved to North Carolina on January 31, 2009 with nothing but a lot of clothes and an Obama card (that's an EBT card for y'all not in the know). When I got here, a feeling of dread hit me hard as hell but I decided to shake it off and I told myself that this was just a temporary situation and I'd be back in Virginia within 9 months.
21 months later, I'm still here. O_o.
I feel stuck. I was told by my father that I wasn't allowed to leave until he took his last breath. Not that I want to think about him passing away but my grandmother lived to be 96 years old. That means that if my father lived to be that age, I'd be stuck here for at least another 16+ years. O_O!!!!
I also made a conscious decision not to become involved in a relationship with anyone here due to circumstances beyond my control. If you read the blog I wrote about my humble beginnings on this Earth (wait...what do you mean you didn't read it?? Well, I'm not going to make it easy for you by linking it. Go look. I'll wait..............), you'd remember that I spoke very little about my sperm donor, DJ. Well, DJ was sperm donor to quite a few people in this area. So much so that it's estimated that I have approximately 18 siblings that I've never met. So I chose not to date anyone from this area because I could easily end up dating a brother, cousin or nephew and that's not a good look no matter how you spin it.
So it's just me here in NC (my daughter goes to college in VA and my 2 sons are in school there as well. The school system here sucks donkey ass and I refuse to see my kids suffer because of it). My life consists of home, work and shopping at Walmart, even though I try hard as hell to stay away from Satan's Superstore as much as possible.
And this is why I'm in a rut. Sometimes, I daydream about moving back to VA or to another city where everything doesn't close at 9pm. And sometimes, I daydream about the Old Spice dude picking me up on his horse and carrying me away from here. But that's another blog...or a therapy session...waiting to happen. But for now, well, I'll let Akon finish this for me.
7 comments:
Killing me softly diva....
I KNOW the feeling, even more so I think because I have never spread my wings and gone any farther than my childhood zip code.
Here's what I think, no believe, IF EVER there were a person who could pull themselves out of a rut, or ascertain a plan and execute it- IT IS YOU DIVA!!! I KNOW U CAN DO IT- just a matter of when u FEEL like busting a move. :-)
Aww...thanks, Soapy. You're one of my biggest cheerleaders. I appreciate you more than you know.
:-)
I, like S.O.A.P., with the exception of the 15 months I went away to business college, I've lived in the same 3 mile radius.
I travel though.
I actually am considering moving to NC. What part are you in? (hit me up elsewhere and in private).
(((((((HUG))))))
(((((((HUG)))))))
Where the Hooty WHO did this blog come from? LMAO
I feel you. I don't want to be back in my hometown of Mt. Vernon, NY...but I feel like where I am is where old people come to chill. It's nice and peaceful, but I wonder if there's anything else for me.
I pray that you get at least an opportunity to move within the next 2-3 years. (Wishing dad a long life) but I'd hope that he'd give you a little reprieve and not hold you to the area. *Damn Damn Damn at the possibility of incest* <--knew that already but the way you put it up there is like WOW.
Head up Diva :D
If you knew my father, you'd know that here I stay. SMDH.
And yeeeeeaaaaah. The possibility of incest sucks. I'll just shape my mind around being an old maid with 101 pit bulls (I don't like dalmatians) and chasing school kids off my lawn with a broom or a BB gun. *shrugs*
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