30~ Did this love challenge teach you anything? If so/not...what/why?

The end is here!!  Ha-lay-lu-yer!!

I must say that this challenge did teach me a lot.  It taught me that while being in love is a beautiful thing when it's right, I'm not ready for such.  I can even say that I don't like it.  I was in some sort of relationship from the ages of 16-38  and I can honestly say I need me time.  I don't want to have to answer to anyone about my comings or goings.  I want to be selfish for awhile.

If that's wrong, so be it.  But I want to live for me, not us.  I want to experience life on my own for about 3-5 years.  I've been relationship-free for almost 2 years (no Kween, I'm not counting THAT one) so I've got a little more time to do me and then if I find someone that I feel is my King, then I'm going for it. If not, so be it.  I'll live alone with my 123 cats, newspaper covering the windows and I'll spend my days yelling at kids to get off my lawn.  Because for real, you can call me cynical and/or bitter if you must, but the truth of the matter is...

29~ Write a Love letter to your soul mate (whether you feel you've met them or not)

Nope.  Can't do it.  Don't believe in such.  Next subject.

28~ If you had a choice between a love relationship and just sex [guaranteed]...which would you choose?

Hmm...love or guaranteed sex...wow...I just can't choo...lemme stop.

Give me the guaranteed sex every time...as long as it was great sex.

I'm not a fan of love relationships.  I've been through enough crap in my love life to last a lifetime.  Just give me great sex, carry your ass home, and I'm good.

27~ Does anyone you've broken up with still love and pursue you?

Pursue me?  Yes

Love me?  Hell naw.

Nigga wouldn't know what love is if it showed up at his front door with it stamped all over its body in bold letters.

Check this out...one day, 2 weeks ago, Fool gonna call me and act as if he was so lost and lonely and had nothing but problems and wanted to kill himself.  I couldn't tell if he was serious or not so I had to talk him down.  Fool talmbout how he missed me and still "loved" me and wanted to be with me again.  I told him that would never happen...NEVER happen, blah blah blah.  To make a long story short, the next day, our son called me and said that his dad said that he loved his current girlfriend (I failed to mention that he told me that she had cheated on him and he left her that night) and was thinking about marrying her.

A few days later (umm...this isn't short, is it?), Fool hits my fb inbox talmbout "Hey Beautiful...I miss you."  I'm all like, "yeah, great.  Congrats on your upcoming nuptials."  He says something to the effect of that was before all of this.  Then I had to bust his bubble and tell him that our son told me everything and not to bother me with his bogus bullshit anymore.  Can't say that I haven't heard from him again...Fool used our son's phone to call me and of course I answered when I saw my kid's name pop up.  

I hate that man with a passion.

26~ If your young daughter or son came to you and told you they were in love with someone your age...what would your response be?

In a word...Iowneeeentrussit.

But if my kids were of legal age, what could I say?  Nah...scratch that...I could say a lot and probably would but it wouldn't do any good.  As long as they were treated with respect, I'd respect their relationship.  Doesn't mean I would like it but it is what it is.

No pics.  No music.  No nothing.  The end.

25~ Looking back on your life...who taught you the most about what love is/isn't?

Damn...when I saw this question, I figured it would be easy because it takes the focus off of me and puts it on someone else in my life, sort of.  But now, I'm at a loss.

I didn't have the easiest childhood.  I mean, I had and did more than most kids my age (went on 3 cruises to Nassau, the Virgin Islands, Puerto Rico, went to 2 World's Fairs...do they even have those anymore...had a car at 16, blah blah blah, siss boom bah, etc) but as far as being shown love, my dad was and is the staple for that and even he had a kind of a warped way about it.  My mom?  Forget about it.  We had a love/hate relationship that I still think about to this day and she's been gone 12 years come next month.

I had boyfriends (as you know, I was with my first one for 5 years) and husbands and I found myself sometimes sabotaging relationships because I didn't know what love truly was.

So I don't know if anyone really showed me what love was.  Hell, I may not even know what it is now.  I do know what it's not and honestly, after all I've gone through these past couple of weeks, I REALLY know what it isn't.

*Sorry this blog isn't up to snuff.  Not really feeling like writing about love right now.  I think Adam Sandler sang it best...

24~ Have you broken anyone's heart?

*sigh* Yes.  I've told the story of how I chose the wrong guy.  Not bragging by any means whatsoever but I devastated dude.  I'd go over to drop our daughter off and he'd be there, laying on the couch, crying.  The thought of that alone makes me want to cry now and that was 18 years ago.

But I have no one to blame but my own stupid self.  It was one of those grass is greener type situations.  Little did I know that it wasn't good grass but that crabgrass shit that just fucks up everything.

That's all I gotta say about that.

23~ Do you think love and marriage are synonymous?

HELL NO!!

You don't need to be married to prove you love someone and you don't have to love someone to marry them.  My first marriage was an example of that.  The day I said "I do", I really didn't.

I may seem cynical, and maybe I am, but marriage, to me, is nothing more than a business contract between two people. There are documents to be signed, meetings of the minds about type of ceremony, land ownership and/or rental agreements, bank account transactions, blah blah blah.  Wanna find out how much someone really loves or hates you?  Marry them and live with them for at least 5 years.  If they're still smiling after that time, you may have a love connection on your hands.  (DISCLAIMER:  Living with someone IS NOT the same as being married to them.  That piece of paper changes folks...TRUST ME).

Love comes into play when the asking is being done (and sometimes, not even then).  Let a bridezilla come at her fiance with some crazy shit...ain't no love in that whatsoever.

So to reiterate my answer, love and marriage are not synonymous.  Frank Sinatra lied to us.  They do not go together like a horse and carriage...unless you want to be looking at a horse's ass for the rest of your life.

22~ Create the perfect love scene

Hmm...not really sure what to put here so I'm just gonna close my eyes and type whatever comes to mind.

They sat on the balcony of the Breezes Runaway Bay hotel in Jamaica watching the waves crash the shore, looking at the full moon and gazing at the starts, holding hands, just enjoying each other.   He looks at her with longing eyes as he reaches his hand out and says, "come on.  There's something I want to show you."

They leave their room and push the "L" button as they enter the elevator.  As soon as the doors close, he grabs her in his arms and passionately kisses her until the elevator stops on the 3rd floor.  The gentleman that walks on has a suspicion of what has taken place and gives a sly look to the couple, who just politely smiles back.  As the elevator comes to the lobby, they step out of the hotel and onto one of the most beautiful scenes she's ever seen.

A cabana  has been set up and there's a dinner table with candlelight, wine and a place setting for two.  He looks at her with those loving brown eyes and says, "surprise.  I hope you like it."  How could she not?

  After being seated, a waiter pours the wine and leaves the couple alone for awhile.  He takes her by the hand and says, "Baby, I know this may seem like a dream to you but I want to be there for all of your dreams.  I want you to always be happy and it would mean the world to me if you would say yes to becoming my wife."

Just then, he pulls out a 4 karat diamond and sapphire ring and she's speechless.  She loves this man with everything in her and she wants to be his everything.  She had been in love before, even married twice, but she knew that he was the man her heart had been searching for her whole adult life.  She looks into his eyes, as tears roll down her face, and gives a resounding YES to her new fiance.  He grabs her gently by the face, wiping her tears away and resumes the kiss they started in the elevator.

21~ What is the most romantic location you would want to visit?

Damn...I'm further behind than I thought.  smh

Anyhoo...this one is easy for me.  I have always wanted to travel to Italy.  Venice or Rome.  I think it would be so romantic to take a gondola ride down the canals or to look at art in some of the world's finest museums or feed authentic Italian food to my loved one.

Look at her sitting there in all of her royal nakedness...Exquisite!!

Imagine eating this...

here...

Ahh...Italia.  Voglio essere una parte di te.

20~ Do you believe in Long Distance/Internet Love? Why or Why not?

I'm on the fence about this one.  

I've been involved in 2 internet relationships and neither one of the dudes were worth a damn.  The problem with the internet is that anyone can be who they WANT to be, not necessarily who they REALLY are.  Therefore, lies are told, personalities are faked, and dreams are smashed.  

Now, I have seen quite a few internet relationships develop and blossom for others and I am truly elated for them.  I even know of a few that have met online and gotten married and they're still going strong.  But the parties involved were ADULTS...not people of legal age playing adults. 

As for the long distance relationship, I think a definition is needed.  I believe that anything over 75 miles constitutes long distance.  I was involved in one of those when I was in high school in Richmond and my then-boyfriend/now-daughter's father was in college in Norfolk (approx. 95-100 miles away).  We made it work somehow, so I'm cool with anything under a 3 hour drive.  Anything more than that, I get really cynical really quickly.   

I will admit that I used to prefer long distance/internet relationships and Kali analyzed me (as she often does) and told me that the reason that I probably preferred them was because I didn't want anyone to get too close to me.  I can agree with that to a certain extent but I also don't want someone up under me 24/7...not right now, anyway.  

So I'm all over the place with this blog.  If it works, I say go for it.  And maybe I'll feel differently about it for myself one day.  But right now, I'm busy doing me. 

19~ What do you love to do the most?

You know what?  I think that outside of the "personal relationship" questions, this is the hardest question.

I really don't have an answer.  I mean, I like to do a lot of things but I'm not passionate about any one thing.  I know this may seem strange and maybe even a cop out of sorts but I realized a while back that I don't have an addictive personality.  I grew up with alcoholics and around drug addicts and I made it a point that I would never let myself get that caught up in anything (cigarettes made me a liar).

The one thing I can say that I haven't let go of is my love for my family and friends.  I admit it...I love hard and I love forever unless someone fucks that away.  And I do have a thing for taking care of people, whether family, friends or patients (I used to work in nursing homes for a while).  So if I had to choose one thing that I love to do is to take care of those that can't take care of themselves and/or just being there for those that need a friend.

That's all I got.

18~ Have you ever been in a love triangle...with you as the object of desire?

I REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEALLY don't want to write about this because I will have to face my own flaws but I guess this is what this challenge is about.  So...

Yes, I've been in a triangle.  It was between my daughter's father and my older son's father (I'm sick of writing about his ass but unfortunately, this won't be the last time).  Just to lay it on the line and to make a long story short, I was "with" both of them in the biblical sense before finally breaking it off with my daughter's father and I ended up choosing the wrong one.

I did some dirt to my daughter's father...I mean gritty, grimy, if I was on the outside of myself, I would have whipped my own ass shit...over this dude and yet he still loved and wanted me.  And I, like the fool, went for the outer shell and left one of the best relationships I'd ever had.  Words were exchanged (we all worked at different places in the same mall at the time) but luckily, no one ever came to blows. My daughter's father even came to my house when the other one was there and looked dude straight in the eye and told him that he better take care of me.  Bitch ass nigga didn't listen.

But anyway, that's the condensed version of the story. I actually have a headache after reliving and writing this.  Oh well, life lessons don't always make one feel good.

17~ Do you think young people can fall in love and it be true?

Yes I do think young people can fall in love and it be true.

Just a couple of examples...

My daughter's father and I started dating when we were 17 and 15 and we stayed together for 5 years.  The end.

A friend of mine that lived two houses down from me while growing up started dating his then-girlfriend when they were in 8th grade in 1982.  He's on my facebook friend list and he and she have been married for quite awhile now.  That's basically 30 years together.  Bless them.

So again, short and sweet and to the point, yes, I believe it...if the young people are mature enough to recognize what love is.

16~ Do you believe in love at first sight?

Another question that can be answered with very few words...

No. 

I believe that you can fall in lust at first sight and I have done that and mistakenly took that for love but as I've gotten older, I realize that there's more to love than the outer shell.  Personality, communication skills...which include speaking AND listening...and patience are all more attractive and sexy to me.  

To have someone challenge my mind (or as I like to call it, giving my head some head) gets me to the falling in love stage much quicker than some eye candy.  

So again, MY answer to this question is no.  But I'm sure others may feel different.  Let's have a musical selection to end this, shall we?

15~ Can you live without a love relationship?

Halfway home...YESSSSS!

Can I live without a love relationship.  Short answer, no.

Long answer, I can live without being in love.  As a matter of fact, I've been doing it for over a year.  But I know for a fact that having someone, whether family, friends, animals, etc, that loves you and you love them is just like breathing. You must have love to live.

I had an uncle (mother's brother) who was placed in a nursing home by his girlfriend of 25+ years (who goes together for 25+ years) for absolutely no real reason.  He did have medical problems...he had throat cancer and had to use a electrolarynx (one of those things that you put on your throat and the sound comes from vibration) and some other minor issues but that was it.  He ended up dying while there.  I am thoroughly convinced he died from a broken heart.  Even though he had family that would visit him (myself included), I feel like he felt as though the woman he spent most of his adult life with gave up on him and it killed him.

Now, would I like to be in love and share my life with someone that loves me unconditionally and I do the same for him?  Of course.  Will I go postal and maim someone if it doesn't happen?  Nope.  To paraphrase Ne-yo, I know my true love and I could be a force when we're together but I'm good all by myself.

I refuse to settle for just anydamnbody...been there, done that, didn't even need to buy the t-shirt. So when true love comes, I'll be ready.  If it decides to stay away, I'm okay with that too.  Trust me, either way, I will survive.

14~ Recreate your most romantic date (a real one)...

I remember this like it was the day before yesterday...some parts are fuzzy...but I remember the good parts.

I had just gotten off of work and I was headed home when I got a call from my then-boyfriend asking if he could see me.  Of course, I said yes and I went home jumped in the shower and headed to his place.  When I got there, he said he had a surprise for me later but he wanted to go for a ride.  So we hopped in the car and headed to the park.  

So we arrived at Bryan Park and we got out and started walking around.  He had brought some bread because he knew I liked to feed the ducks so we fed them and talked and held hands.  We stayed out there for about 2 hours and headed back to my house but on the way there, he said he had to stop at the store.  So we get to the store (which he worked at) and he tells me to sit tight and he would be back.  He comes back about 5 minutes later with a bag full of stuff and off we go.  

When we get to my house, he asks for a big pot so I give him one and he tells me to go sit down and not to be nosy (Me?  Nosy?).  I do as I'm told and about 15 minutes later, he brings out a whole lobster (drawn butter and lemon included), one red rose and wine.  And the best part of all this???  He feeds the whole thing to me...I should add that he does this because he's allergic to seafood...while candles are flickering, Jodeci is singing and a fire is going in the fireplace (didn't really need a fire because it was the middle of October but it added ambiance to the room). The only downside to the date was that I couldn't kiss him for awhile because he would have started itching like a heroin fiend. 

After that, he would always bring seafood to me...crab legs, scallops, shrimps AND he'd even bring some to my parents (you know, to get in good with them).  It must have worked because 3 years later, I married him. 

13~ Do you believe in unconditional love?

Emphatically, YES!!

I know for a fact that God loves me unconditionally.  I know that my kids love me and I love them unconditionally.  My TRUE friends love me unconditionally and I love them the same way.  Now, when speaking about lover-type relationships, I need to explain.

I can and have loved (and to an extent, still love) my exes unconditionally.  But also in the same token, I may not have liked something they did or said.  That didn't make me love them any less but it did make me wonder if they loved me less. That's the only difference between those I listed previously.

So again, yes, I believe in unconditional love.  That's all.  Nothing else.  The end.

12~ Do you believe in zodiac compatibility? Who is your best match from experience? Your worst?

Do I believe in zodiac compatibility??  Eh...kinda.

I've read up on the subject and some of it is true to heart.  But then again, some of the people I was in relationships with were...*scrolls through zodiac symbols in my head*...no sign for jackasses, huh?  Oh well. Being that I'm on the cusp of Virgo/Libra (Sept. 22), I am an amalgamation of contradictions. While the Virgo in me is the perfectionist and very prim and proper, the Libra in me is the wild, don't give a shit side. This link shows how the Virgo/Libra cusp works and I must admit, it's pretty dead on.

My best match relationship-wise differs from that of sexual compatibility.  Best relationship-wise was Taurus.  His brawn and my brain just worked well together...still does even though we're no longer a couple. My best sexual-wise was a tie between Capricorn and Gemini.  That goat (and he was one of the Greatest Of All Time) knew how to get me there.  He had no inhibitions whatsoever.  Nothing was off limits. (I got a chill just thinking about it right now...damn) The Gemini twin had both a make love side and and fuck me til I pass out side (which I did once).  I remember having a fuck session and afterwards, he and I went to the store and I got that residual TWITCH while walking down the frozen food aisle.  Good times...goooood times.

My worst match relationship and sexual wise was another Virgo.  This niggum...damn...just thinking about his ass makes me ill.  He didn't trust me even though he was the one doing dirt and he didn't know how to lick the kitty.  WORTHLESS!!  Not sure how he pulled all those tricks he cheated on me with because sex with him was like eating liver...looks great on a plate but not tasty or satisfying at all.

I know this challenge wasn't about sex but I had nothing else to write. This whole challenge has been a wake up call and also very draining.  Another contradiction of sorts, maybe?  Eh...kinda.

11~ Whom (no names, if you prefer) did you love, who didn't love you back?

Shiiiiid...this list is a mile long and a river deep.

I could write about my first husband who listened to everyone whispering wrong shit in his ear but wouldn't believe a word I said even if I swore on a stack of bibles and 12 previous Popes.  But he's not worth my keystrokes.

I could write about my most recent ex and how he played me like a fiddle in a country band but I've written enough about his squirrel ass in this challenge.  He bores me to tears.  He is the true definition of a non-mutha fuckin' factor.

I could write about the countless dudes I've fallen for that didn't reciprocate but I do have to sleep at some point.

I could even write about my adoptive mother who once told me that I needed to stay with an abusive man because no one else would ever love me with 2 kids.  Or that time told me that she was jealous because my father and I were close.  But I don't want to talk about that.

So I'm gonna bypass this blog.  Not really feeling it.  Sorry.  So let's let Faith sing, shall we?

10~ List 10 people you love and explain what they mean to you

10 people?  Wow.  I mean, I know I love more than 10 people but not everyone is worth writing about (no offense).  But here goes...

1, 2, and 3. My kids, LaSean, Damian and Keith, Jr.~My personal Three Stooges.  These three are my world.  They are my life.  They are my reasons.  Almost anything I do in my life is because of them.  Whenever I am faced with a big decision, I think of them and how they would feel and how they would be impacted.  At 20, 17 and 12 years of age, respectively, I know they're not babies but they're my babies and I couldn't imagine my life without them.

4.  My Daddy, James~James is the reason I'm still in NC.  Most everyone knows that if I could, I would escape this place so quickly, it's not even funny.  But because my dad is up in age and I'm the only child of his that's local (he has a son in Philly), here I stay.  This is the man that taught me how to ride a bike, how to drive, how to cook, how to hustle (there was a time that he worked 4 jobs at once) and just how to be a good and caring person.  I am forever and for always a daddy's girl.

5 and 6.  My sisters, Brenda and Sarah~Brenda, La (as Sarah is called) and I didn't grow up together because our mother was injured when she was pregnant with me and couldn't take care of me.  So her brother (James) and his wife adopted me.  But I've known they were my sisters since I was 5 years old and though we weren't raised in the same house, or the same state, to this day, if you mess with one of us, you got a lot of explaining and possibly some spitting of teeth to do.

7.  My Stacey~Stacey is one of my besties that I met on Yahoo 360 some years back at a time when we both were going through some confusion and conflict in our lives.  Our meeting was so random...she put up a blast saying that she had an odd number of friends on her list and she hated odd numbers so I invited her to my page to even hers out...and the rest is history. We both have 1 daughter and 2 sons (our daughters are less than 4 months apart in age and our middle sons are about the same age as well), we're both Virgos, and we both are crazier than cooked bat shit.  A match made in Heaven.

8.  My Kali~Lawd, lawd, lawd!  What do I say about my Kali?  Kali is a woman that I met on facebook but I had seen her around on 360.  We ran in the same circle but never made a connection until it was discovered that she and I shared an ex (by discovered, I mean she knew and I had a big ass feeling). So I decided one day to hit her in her inbox to ask and we've been besties (yes, I have more than one bestie) ever since.  We've laughed, we've cried, we've bitched and complained.  We've asked why more times than should be allowed.  And all of that has only made our relationship stronger.

9.  I have a lot of friends that can fill this spot so I dedicate #9 to all of you. I don't want to say names because I don't want to offend anyone so I'll say to my blood fam, my chosen fam (friends that have been there since we were knee-high to a june bug), my VA fam, my NC fam, my fb fam (most of y'all), my 360 fam, and to anyone else that's ever touched my heart, Ria loves you.

10.  I'm leaving #10 blank.  I'm saving this spot for my one true love...whoever that may be.  When he comes along, I'm quite sure I'll have a great story to tell. Or maybe not.  But I'm marking this space RESERVED.

9~ Tell us about the first time you ever made love (not had sex)

The first time I made love?  I have to go deep into the vault for this one.

Picture it:  Thanksgiving, Richmond, VA, 1989

My family was up from NC for the holiday...my grandmother, some aunts, uncles and cousins.  The day started early...breakfast at my parents' house...and my mother and I got into an argument because my boyfriend and I had plans to go see a rap show at the Richmond Convention Center.  I believe it was Del the Funky Homosapien, Heavy D and the Boyz and somebody else that I can't remember. Anyhoo, I wanted to get away from all that drama so I went to my boyfriend's house.

I get there and he can tell that I'm upset so he takes me to his room and we talk.  I tell him how upset my mother made me because she knew that we had these tickets even before I knew that my grandmother was coming.  I felt like she just wanted to save face and make me look bad.  My mother and I never had the greatest relationship and this was just another peg on the board to how our relationship worked, but that's a whole 'notha blog.  So I start crying because I'm angry and he takes me in his arms and and just holds me and starts kissing my tears.

Of course, one thing leads to another, and we end up doing it...but this time was different.  It wasn't like the other times (we'd been doing it for two years at this point.)  He had always been gentle with me but I actually felt the intense love that he and I shared.  I felt like, for the first time, I knew what it was to be an adult...sharing a moment with a man that I was in love with in every sense of the word.  (This, consequently, was the first time that I squirted...again, another blog).

I have never forgotten that day.  From that day on, I was a woman and he and I shared one of my greatest love affairs.  Did I mention that 9 months later, we had a daughter?  No?  Well, 9 months later, we had a daughter.  So we made love in more than one way that day.

8~ Do you think you can be in love with two people at the same time?

This question is making me pause and think.  I know my answer to it...I just don't know if I believe it.  I'll come to that conclusion at the end.

Yes, I do think that you can be in love with two people at the same time.  No two people can offer you the exact same feeling and what one true love may lack, the other may have.  It's the same way with having more than one best friend.  Each best friend offers you something the others doesn't or can't.  Looking back, I've been in love with two people at once...twice.  But in both instances, I was a fool because instead of talking to the first one, I found "comfort" with another and both of those were big ass mistakes.

I've heard the saying that if you're in love with two people, choose the second one because if you loved the first, the second wouldn't be a factor...or some shit like that.  I don't agree with that.  I think that if the first relationship is good, appreciate and work with what you have.  The grass may be greener on the other side but in the end, it all needs cutting.

Yeah...I believe this.  Good job, MeMe.

7~ Have you ever been deeply in love? Explain

I don't even know how to begin this blog.  I mean, yes...I've been deeply in love.  On more than one occasion.  2 1/2 times to be exact.  But...

The first time I was deeply in love was my first love.  I wrote about him in my first entry in this challenge so there's no need to write about him again.  The second time was my second husband and I wrote about him in my second entry...no need to explain again.  The half time was my third entry...again, no explanation necessary.

I'm sorry that this entry isn't the best but this is all I got. So how about I post a video or something so your time isn't completely wasted.

6~ What is your idea of true love?

My idea of true love, huh?  I honestly have no idea.  I've been in love 2 1/2 times (for the half, read about my most recent love) and at 39 years old, I'm still not sure what love is all about.

I do know that I've been approaching this love thing all wrong.  For years, I've met guys that I could talk to about anything and everything but never saw them in "that" way.  I've used the brother or best friend line so many times, I could print up some business cards and pass them out with the tagline, "You're like a brother to me".  But what's wrong with falling in love with your best friend?  Who better to be in love with than someone that knows you inside out and upside down?

I currently don't have a male best friend...I have two close male friends that know a lot about me but they're attached...but the next guy that finds his way into the fold may very well be my Mr. Right.  And I won't be so foolish as to bypass the notion again...I hope.

5~ Favorite Romantic Movie

My favorite romantic movie.  I'm not the biggest romance lover out there but as soon as I saw this question, I knew which movie I would pick.

Have you ever seen a movie that touched you so much that you felt as if it was you in the movie?  Love and Basketball did that for me.  I wanted to be Monica.  Hell, I was Monica.  I was the tomboy.  I had a basketball hoop in my backyard as a kid.  She was about my age in the movie as it progressed.  I loved the same guy from high school and into college.  This movie felt like my life.

When Monica and Q broke up and she asked to play for his heart...*sigh*.  And when they play and Meshell Ndegeocello song "You Made A Fool Of Me" starts playing...*sigh again*.

4~ Favorite Love song...and why?

Favorite love song...hmmm.  I'm a lover of music so to pick just one isn't easy for me.  So I'm going to pick two. Why? Because I can. :)

1st favorite love song...Adore by Prince.  The first time I heard this song was at my godbrother, Heavy's wedding.  He serenaded his new bride on the dance floor at their reception.  The way he looked in her eyes as he was singing (and he has one of the best voices I've ever heard) and the way she was smiling at him just made me know that they were going to make it.  And the last I heard, they still were...I was 16 or 17 at the time.  But Prince himself does it for me anyway.

2nd favorite love song...Beauty by Dru Hill.  This song right here...*sigh*.  There are no words to describe how I feel when I hear this song.  The melody, the words, the voices...I'll just let them sing it and let you feel it.

3~ Last/Most Recent Love...what they meant/mean to you...

I really don't want to write about this at all because my most recent "love" doesn't deserve to be spoken about in any way but I made a commitment and therefore, I shall post.

My most recent "love" took place last year.  Dude I met on Yahoo 360 about 4 years ago.  Never paid him any mind back then but I would speak infrequently on his blogs and postings.  Fast forward to last year.  We were friends on Facebook and he posted a funny clip from his radio show and I commented and it started from there.

This niggum had a brilliant mind, a beautiful singing voice and the slickest tongue anyone could have ever imagined.  Made promises that I thought were true at the time and I fell for it hook, line and sinker. I truly thought this "man" loved me like no other but yet, it was all a facade.  A game that he played with me and countless others.

So it's asking me what they meant/mean to me.  Those are two different feelings.  In the midst of the "relationship", he was my world.  He was someone who changed my mind about marriage and my outlook on life.  Now, he could rot in hell for all I care.  But I will say that he taught me that everything that glitters ain't gold and every heart isn't sincere.  He also brought two very special people into my life and for all of that, I say thank you.

You still ain't shit, though.

2~ Best Love...what they meant/mean to you...

Best love.  Not really sure about this one.  I mean, each of my loves and love affairs had qualities that were better and different that the others but I'll just wing this one.

My best love was my 2nd husband.  Now, everything was far from perfect and we had issues that would have driven most people to divorce after year 2 but we made it work for almost 12 years. This man was my Superman.  He would tell anyone that while he was the brawn, I was the brain and together, you couldn't fuck with us. 6'4, 270lbs of dark chocolate and while he wasn't one to mess with, he had (and still has) the biggest heart and while he would fuss about doing things, he ultimately did them and I ultimately learned how to ignore his fussing.

Even though we aren't together any longer and we live about 2 hours away from each other,  if I need ANYTHING, he has my back and I have his.  All I have to do is call him and it's as good as done.  He's going through some health issues right now but he knows that if he were to call my phone at 3am, I'd be at his door not long afterwards. We still have love for each other but just couldn't live with each other and not everyone can.  But we know that no matter what happens, we're there for each other and that kind of unconditional love is rare.

So thank you KB for being a husband, a lover, a protector, a provider and a friend.

1~ First Love (of course!)...what they meant/mean to you...

Hello Blogger world!!  I've accepted another 30 day challenge hosted by one of my closest and dearest friends, The Kween, all about love!!  So I invite you to sit back and enjoy the journey into my love life (or lack thereof).

My first love...*sigh*...that brings back a lot of memories for me.  Fifteen years old, entering my sophomore year in high school, not knowing my head from my ass, and I met this guy who went to my school at a skating rink 2 years my senior.  We exchanged numbers and talked or saw each other everyday for the next 5 years (uncommon for teenagers).

This was a guy that showed me patience, showed me love, and even showed me how to scratch on the 1s and 2s...he was a DJ.  He treated me like a lady, even though I didn't realize it at the time.  We would actually date...movies, dinner, bowling, etc.  He taught me how to play video games (remember Tecmo Bowl?)  He taught me about sex, as he was my first.  He taught me about responsibility, as when I became pregnant at 18, he did any- and everything he had to do to make sure our child had everything she needed and some of what she wanted.  

This is a man that has been in my life for longer than any man not related to me has been...25 years and we are still friends today.  He celebrated his birthday yesterday so Happy Belated Birthday JW and I wish you all the happiness your heart can hold and as much happiness as you showed to me back then. 

I'm Tired

I've been sitting back, weighing all my choices.
Trying hard not to listen to my head full of voices.
Wondering why the hell folks do what they do
Blaming everyone else, when the problem is you.

So, I'm tired...

I'm tired of people being so fucking irresponsible
I'm tired of people thinking everything is impossible.
I'm tired of people that think their shit don't stink.
Hell, I'm tired of people that just don't think.

I'm tired of niggas standing on corners giving cat calls.
I'm tired of niggas holding their dicks and scratching their balls.
I'm tired of bitches injecting plastic in their ass
You can insert whatever you want, you still have no class.

I'm tired of you walking around thinking you're better than me.
Just because you sat in a college and got your degree.
Let me fill you in on something, and I'm sure you won't agree
But there isn't a piece of paper been made that could ever define me.

I'm tired of the words "I Love You" without action behind them
I'm especially tired of the way you define them.
It's clearer to me than a window cleaned with Windex
Nigga, you don't love me, you just love my sex.

As I sit here and try to find the words I'm aiming for
All of a sudden, it hit me...what am I complaining for?
Your truth comes from complacency, lack of focus and stupidity
My truth comes from knowledge, real love and lucidity.

So go right ahead and continue to be blinded
For the truth is so far gone from you, you'll never find it.
So I'll just sit back here with my thoughts and wait
Until you come to your senses or destiny seals your fate.

What Black History Month Means To Me

Another February has rolled upon us, which means that Black History Month has arrived. Now, while I don't begrudge or belittle anyone that happens to celebrate this occasion, I am not one of those that does. Before you knock me for it, please allow me to explain my reasons.

First, there are far too many contributions by black people to fit into the shortest month of the year. From Benjamin Banneker to Madame CJ Walker and all those in between, 28 (or sometimes 29) days is far too short of a time period to really grasp and understand what those great people created. It took them far longer than a month to reach and realize their greatness...why should we be any different?

Second, when I attended public schools, learning about Black History Month was more of a side note than actual curriculum. I remember learning about the Pilgrims on January 31, learning about Martin Luther King, Jr. on February 1-28, and going back to the Pilgrims on March 1. Of course, I am using those topics as an example, but the main idea holds true.

Third (and the most personal reason), I didn't start being black in February. My blackness began when I was created and it still lives on in me regardless of the calendar. Am I supposed to feel prouder in February than I am in August? Am I supposed to see something different when I look in the mirror in February? Am I supposed to feel better about myself and who I am and what I look like because of this month? I was created in God's image and when I look in the mirror and I see my brown eyes, my full hips and my medium dark skin, that doesn't go away because a new day has come. 

So while I will happily join you in singing "Lift Every Voice and Sing", I'll ask you to keep singing it the other 11 months of the year. While I will happily learn and study more about Black History and listen to stories of struggle, heartache, pain and prosperity, I'll listen and learn at any given time that the opportunity presents itself and I ask that you, no matter your race, will do the same.